Why Don't I Feel Like Myself? Midlife Hormones and the Dots Worth Connecting

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered, "When did I stop feeling like myself?" Maybe you start pointing out the wrinkles. The extra few pounds. The arms that have gotten "a little saggy." That's a lot of negative self-talk, and it isn't helping you. But underneath it is something real: you're noticing that things are changing. They are. And there's a reason.

What's changing in midlife

Perimenopause can start as early as your mid to late 30s, and it can last up to ten years. Your cycle may get longer, shorter, heavier or lighter. You might notice hot flashes or night sweats, feel moodier, or have a shorter fuse even when your period isn't anywhere close. Menopause itself is just a moment in time: the point when you've gone a full year without a cycle. Everything after that is postmenopause. Some women feel great then. Others keep some of the symptoms they had in perimenopause.

Through all of it, estrogen, progesterone and often testosterone are dropping. You need these hormones to feel good. They support bone density, healthy hair and skin, your metabolism and how your body carries weight. As they decrease, your metabolism tends to slow down too. So you can eat and move exactly the way you always have and still notice the scale creeping up or your muscle tone slipping. Building muscle takes more work than it used to.

Life got a lot fuller at the same time

Here's the part we don't talk about enough. These hormone shifts happen right when you've taken on more roles than ever. You might be raising kids or helping with grandkids, building a career, running a home and keeping a relationship going. That's a lot more on your plate than you had at 20.

Why sleep falls apart

When progesterone drops, sleep often goes with it, and night sweats don't help. I remember those nights. I'd sweat through the sheets, and rather than wake my husband to change the bed, I'd lay a towel down and try to go back to sleep. You wake up the next morning already exhausted.

Your hormones don't work alone

Your body has 50-some hormones, and they're made all over: your ovaries, thyroid, gut, liver, kidneys and more. They work like a messaging system. When one messenger gets upset, it spreads the news to the others.

Take blood sugar. Insulin is the hormone that keeps your blood sugar balanced. When that's off, it can affect your estrogen, your progesterone and your thyroid.

Or your hunger hormones. Ghrelin tells you when you're hungry, and leptin tells you when you're full. Stress can push them either way. Some people feel hungry all the time when they're stressed. Others stop feeling hungry at all. I hear "I never feel hungry" a lot, and I've been there myself.

The domino effect

Stress is one of the biggest things working against your body, both the stress you know about and the hidden kind: emotional, mental and physical. Not all stress is bad. Some of it helps us grow. The trouble starts when it becomes overwhelming.

Sometimes we add stress ourselves. Being Type A, being a perfectionist, feeling like we have to prove something or earn our worth. (You are worthy, by the way. That's a conversation for another day.)

Here's how it tends to play out:

1. 1.Your hormones or your stress make it hard to sleep.
2. 2.You wake up tired and grumpy.
3. 3.You don't make the food choices you want to.
4. 4.Your stress climbs even higher.
5. 5.You snap at people you love, hold it together at work, then yell at other drivers on the way home.

It's a domino effect. And pushing through it isn't the answer.

"Just push through" isn't a plan

Maybe you've told yourself it'll get better next year. Maybe you've been told "this is just life" or "it's just your age." People hear that at every age. I heard a version of it at 29: you're young, nothing's wrong with you.

Back then I was in chiropractic college, running four or five miles a day, working, studying and trying to have a social life. I wasn't eating enough. My hair was falling out, my skin was dry, and I felt terrible. A naturopath I was working with sat me down and told me my body was breaking down under all that stress. He was my eye-opener, and he's a big reason I went into functional medicine. Testing showed what "you're fine" had missed. Once I started supporting my body, my energy came back.

I've had to do this more than once since then, with my gut and my thyroid, and I'm in a very different place today than I was twenty years ago.

So if something feels off, it deserves to be looked at, not brushed off. Most of the women I talk to want to be listened to and want to understand what's happening before they decide anything. If medication is part of your plan, that's a conversation between you and your provider. My goal is to make sure someone looks at the whole picture.